87. Too Soft on Crime

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No one knows for sure, but some experts estimate that half of the crimes committed in the US go unreported. Half of those reported never result in the criminal being found. Half of those in which the criminal is found never result in convictions. Half of the convictions result in reduced or full sentences. Half of the full sentences eventually become reduced sentences because of "good behavior" or overcrowded prisons that result in early releases.

"The problem," said Wyatt Earp, a retired police officer, "is that punishment is not swift enough or severe enough. All they get is a slap on the wrist. Too many judges are soft on criminals. We need to change the law so that there is an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. Even criminals understand physical pain.

"If I were president, I would do many things to teach these punks a lesson. Prisons would have no heat and no air-conditioning. Let the jerks freeze in the winter and bake in the summer. They would get one peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast, for lunch, and for dinner. This way we don't have to worry about prisoners using utensils to injure guards or other inmates, or dig out of prison. And no crunchy or organic peanut butter either—only the cheap stuff. Their only beverage would be water—no soda, milk, coffee, or tea. And no fancy bottled water, either. Their water would be straight from the faucet."


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