The mayor of Sacrapinto, J.K. Choi, 35, was charged with hit-and-run driving last night by the town sheriff. A freshly killed calf was discovered lying in the middle of Arlington Drive at about 10:00 p.m. A witness, 20-year-old Emily Parker, said she saw the car hit the calf and keep going. She didn’t see the driver but she did recognize the hood ornament on the car—a pair of bull horns.
“Oh, yes,” Emily said, “I know that’s the mayor’s car. It’s the only car in town with bull horns on the hood.” Asked how she could see the bull horns at night, she replied, “Oh, didn’t you know? A couple of months ago the mayor got his horns neonized, so they have this soft purple glow at night. They’re really cool-looking.”
The sheriff drove over to the mayor’s house, which is about five miles from city hall, and found the mayor washing his 1972 Kadillac. He asked why the mayor was washing his car so late at night. “Because that’s when there’s no hot sun that causes the car to dry so fast that you have sun streaks. Don’t you know anything, sheriff?”
The sheriff pointed out that one of the horns was broken at the tip. “When did that happen?” he asked. “When did what happen?” Choi asked. “Oh, good grief! I never even noticed that! Do you know how expensive these horns are? They don’t grow on trees, you know. I wonder if I can find the missing piece and superglue it back on.”
The sheriff then showed the mayor the tip of a bull horn. “Do you think this is the missing piece?” The mayor was astounded. He looked at it, turned it over in his hands, and then placed it on the horn, where it fit perfectly. “That’s fantastic, sheriff! Thank you so much! Where did you find it?”
“Where did I find it? It was next to Farmer Brown’s calf that you killed back there about an hour ago.” The mayor’s mouth dropped open. “Calf! What calf? What are you talking about? I had no idea. I thought I hit a speed bump. What was his calf doing out in the middle of the road in the middle of the night?
“We’ll settle this in court. I’m an innocent man. By the way, get that calf over to Lester’s butcher shop right now. We’ll have us a big barbecue tomorrow at city hall. And don’t forget to invite Farmer Brown. I know he’ll forgive me after he tastes Lester’s world-famous rib eye.”
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