37. Bathtub Blues
A middle-aged man with a long beard was arrested by the police for disorderly conduct and property damage. "More charges might be added later," said a police officer.
The man, identified as Bill Wild, checked into the Motel Five last night about an hour after sunset. Telling the clerk that he would be staying four nights, he paid cash in advance. He then asked her where a grocery store was. She said that the nearest grocery store was John-Johns, which was only two blocks away.
The police said that Wild went to John-Johns and purchased three gallons of honey and four gallons of chocolate syrup. The checker asked him what the occasion was. He replied, "I'm trying to become a sweeter person." The checker smiled at the joke.
Wild drove back to the motel. He opened all seven containers and poured them into the bathtub. He added warm water to the mix. Then he placed his boom box on the bathroom floor next to the tub. He tuned the radio to an opera station. He got undressed, hopped into the tub, and started singing loudly with the music.
Fifteen minutes later, the lodgers in the room next door phoned the clerk. She banged on Wild's door, but he kept singing. She phoned his room, but he didn't answer. Then she called the police, who arrived quickly.
"Well, at least he paid in advance," said the clerk. "That money will help pay for the plumber." The bathtub drain was completely clogged. The tub remained full of chocolate and honey.
"You just never know about people," said the clerk. "He seemed so nice and friendly. Who'd have thought he was a bathtub-singing nut?" The police said this was the third time that Wild had been arrested for this kind of behavior.
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