A: I want to close my account.
B: We're sorry to lose you as a customer. Can I ask why?
A: I keep getting hit by fees.
B: We have a new low fee checking account.
A: I was already on the basic checking plan and you guys still charged a ton of fees.
B: Have you registered for online banking?
A: Yeah, and I never got my statements.
B: Have you tried our mobile app with text alerts?
A: My phone isn't compatible. Just close the account.
B: You have $425 in the account.
A: Pay it to me in cash.
B: We hope you will try banking with us again.