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129. The Waiter
Alvin didn’t like the way the waiter walked—he
an air of arrogance. The waiter came to
table with three glasses in one hand and
menus in the other. His thumb and fingers
all over the insides of the glasses. Alvin
disgusted. Hank and Nathan didn't seem to mind. “
germ that doesn’t kill you, just makes you
,” Hank said. Alvin told Hank to remember that
a day or so when he was barfing
the toilet.
Alvin refused to drink or eat
. He told them he would eat when he
home. Ten minutes later, after finally getting the
’s attention, Hank and Nathan each ordered a small
, a double cheeseburger with chips, and a couple
beers. Alvin asked the waiter if he had
there long. “Long enough,” the waiter replied. When
returned with the beers, Nathan told the waiter
. The waiter said nothing in reply.
“Did you
that?” Alvin asked. “You said thanks, and he
’t bother to say you’re welcome.” Hank said that
people today were not taught the finer points
etiquette.
“The finer points?!” Alvin said. “The finer
are knowing which side of the plate the
and spoons are supposed to be on. Knowing
to say ‘sir,’ ‘thank you,’ and ‘you’re welcome’
elementary etiquette.” The waiter came back to clear
plates from the table. Nathan hadn’t quite finished,
said nothing. When the waiter brought the bill
ten minutes later, Alvin motioned to him.
“Give
the bill,” he said. “I’m going to treat
friends.” Wordlessly, the waiter placed the bill in
of Alvin.
Nathan and Hank were astounded. “You
,” said Nathan, “this might be the first time
’ve ever seen you pick up the tab. What’s
occasion?” Alvin told Nathan that he just felt
being nice to his friends for a change.
bill was $20. After his friends had left
table, Alvin put a 35-cent tip on the
.
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